B.Løvetann

I have spent much of my adult life trying to understand myself.
Why do I end up in the situations I end up in?
What have my experiences done to me?
Who am I?
What defines me?
And who would I have been without all of this?

The truth is, if I had grown up with a normal, stable, carefree childhood, I would not be the person I am today.

I would not have complex PTSD. I would not be paranoid. I would not carry all the consequences of a broken childhood.
Truthfully,
I simply would not be me.

Today, I can see how my behavior created patterns—patterns that, in turn, led to repeated choices and actions.
Because we often fall in love with what we have learned to recognize as love.
It was a shock the day I realized that I had actually been in a relationship with my mother—just in a different body.
That realization hit me right in the face.
How did I end up here?

I spent three years in therapy. I talked. I cried. I tore down everything that had built up inside my mind over a lifetime.
Through trauma therapy and EMDR, I finally began to sort through the chaos.
And only then was I ready to work on myself.
Really work.

Not just on what had happened to me, but on who I had become because of it.
I had to find my own inner peace.
That took another two years.
But today, I see myself more clearly.

I have grown. I have become a better version of myself.
I do not carry bitterness. I do not carry anger.
I feel an inner peace—a kind of peace I wish everyone could experience.
I have also gained a deeper understanding of people I might once have judged.
Today, I feel more compassion for others.

I understand that every person acts from their own circumstances, their own perception of reality, and their own point of view.
That does not mean we have to accept their actions.
But we can understand them.

And that, I believe, is the very foundation of what it means to be human.