B.Løvetann

Today I’m lying in the guest room of one of my best friends.

I’m tired.

Very tired.

My alarm went off long before most people were even awake. I started work at four o’clock this morning, which meant leaving home even earlier. On top of that, the past few days have been filled with severe anxiety attacks, and I can feel that both my body and my mind need a break.

Thankfully, I have a place where I can land.

I’m incredibly lucky to have a friend who never hesitates to open her home to me, so I don’t have to make the long drive when I’m working in this area.

She’s one of the few friends I still have from childhood.

And I love her.

She’s a truly wonderful person.

She’s one hundred percent herself, and maybe that’s exactly why we get along so well. The funny thing is that we’re very different in many ways. I think we experience the world differently, think differently, and see things from different perspectives. Yet somehow, we often end up sharing the same values.

We found each other as teenagers.

Not because our lives were the same.

But because they were different from most other people’s.

I had my trauma.

She carried responsibilities at home that no child should have to carry.

We both knew what it was like to grow up with things that most kids our age never had to face.

Maybe that’s why we understood each other.

She also has a boyfriend whom I think is wonderful. Together, they’re something special. They are incredibly generous and have welcomed me into their home several times a week without ever making it feel like a burden.

They simply open their door.

Tonight, they went out on a date.

I stayed here.

Lying in the guest room, resting.

And it feels completely natural.

They live their lives.

I get to rest.

No guilt.

No feeling that I’m imposing.

Just peace.

And right now, that peace is exactly what I need.

As I lie here, I find myself thinking.

It’s strange how you can sometimes feel lonely, even when you know you’re not.

Why is that?

Can we feel lonely without actually being alone?

And if loneliness is a feeling, can we learn to influence it?

Because when I stop and really look around me, I see something very different from loneliness.

I see people.

I see my children, who mean everything to me.

I see my family.

I see my mum—my dad’s partner—who is still an important part of my life.

I see my brothers, who share the same childhood as I do. We carry many of the same memories and many of the same scars.

And then there are my younger siblings.

We don’t share the same childhood, but that doesn’t make me love them any less.

I have my friends.

I have K and his partner.

I even have his family.

I have colleagues who make me smile.

People who care.

People who genuinely want the best for me.

When I stop and think about all of this, I find myself deeply moved.

Because the truth is…

I’m not alone.

I just feel lonely sometimes.

And those are not the same thing.

Maybe I simply need to remind myself of that on the days when my emotions try to convince me otherwise.

Then another thought comes to me.

Maybe these anxiety attacks did more than just frighten me.

Maybe they opened a door.

Maybe they brought an old pain to the surface—a pain I’ve been carrying for a very long time.

But maybe they did something else too.

Maybe today they allowed me to see all the good things that have been around me all along.

Because the tears that come now aren’t only because of the pain.

They also come from gratitude.

And maybe that’s what hope really is.

That even on the days when life hurts, we can lift our eyes and realize that we were never meant to carry everything on our own.

Sometimes we just need to remember to see the people who have been standing beside us all along. ❤️