B.Løvetann

This life of mine…

I eat.

I sleep.

I work.

I try to exercise.

I try to make time for friends and family.

And then I try to date.

To be completely honest, I’m terrible at dating.

I’m good at going on dates.

I’m just not very good at turning them into something lasting.

I work a lot, exercise when I can, eat fairly well, and sleep… well, well enough.

Sometimes I find myself wondering:

Is this really the life I want to live?

Do I actually want to work this much?

My life feels a little incomplete.

Not because I’m unhappy.

But because everything seems to come with a price.

If I stay out late with friends, I know I’ll be completely exhausted the next day.

If I choose to do something fun, it usually means sacrificing something else.

It’s as if there are never enough hours in the day.

The last time I dated someone, my work became an issue.

There were constant complaints about how much I worked.

If I had to get up in the middle of the night for work, there wasn’t much understanding that I actually needed to sleep.

Eventually, I was left carrying a constant feeling of guilt.

And guilt…

It has a way of eating away at your soul.

I know I can be a handful.

I know my life requires planning.

When you work as much as I do, schedules have to line up.

I can be flexible.

I can take time off.

I’m more than willing to compromise.

But I need understanding in return.

Maybe that sounds selfish.

But I have no intention of disappearing just because a man enters my life.

I’ve spent far too many years finding my way back to myself.

I’m terrified of becoming an empty shell again.

Maybe that’s why I’m still single.

But at the same time…

I truly believe that when the right man comes into my life, love won’t feel like a struggle.

It will feel like a natural transition.

Because I know one thing with absolute certainty:

If I meet a man who is truly worth my time, I won’t keep working 130% forever.

Love deserves time too.

It deserves presence.

It deserves two people who choose each other.

And maybe that’s exactly what I’m hoping for.

A life where I’m not just surviving…

…but truly living.

So, am I living the life I want?

No.

Absolutely not.

But I’m living the life I need to live right now so I can build the life I hope to live one day.

❤️